Listening to Others
Listening is a skill.
Unfortunately, we are far better talkers than we are listeners. But you
can't be a good speaker without being a good listener. One skill relies
on the other.
- In grievance
handling, the shop steward needs to be able to listen and watch the
member and the supervisor. Much of what you need to know may be
conveyed to you through body language or inference, not in direct
speech. Here are some pointers on how to become a better listener
and observer.
- Stop
talking--you can't listen while you are talking.
- Empathize
with the other person--try to put yourself in his/her place so that
you can see what he/she is trying to get at.
- Ask
questions--when you don't understand, when you need further
clarification, when you want to show you are listening. But don't
ask questions that will embarrass or show the other person up.
- Don't give up
too soon--don't interrupt the other person; give him/her time to say
what he/she has to say.
- Concentrate
on what is said--actively focus your attention on the words, ideas,
and feelings related to the subject.
- Look at the
other person--face, mouth, eyes, hands will all help to communicate
with you. Helps you concentrate, too. Makes the other person feel
you are listening.
- Leave your
emotions behind (if you can)--try to push your worries, your fears,
your problems, outside the meeting room. They may prevent you from
listening well.
- Control your
anger--try not to get angry at what is being said; your anger may
prevent you from understanding what is said.
- Get rid of
distractions--put down any papers or pencils you have in your hands;
they may distract your attention.
- Get to the
main points--concentrate on the main ideas and not the illustrative
material. Examples, stories, or statistics are important, but
usually are not main points. Examine them only to see if they prove,
support, define the main ideas.
- Share
responsibility for communication--only part of the responsibility
rests with the speaker; you as the listener have an important part.
- React to
ideas not to the person--don't allow your reactions to the person
influence your interpretation of what is said. The ideas may be good
even if you don't like the person.
- Don't argue
mentally--it is a handicap to argue with him/her mentally as he/she
is speaking. This sets up a barrier between you and the speaker.
- Use the
difference in rate--you can listen faster than he/she can talk, so
use this rate difference to your advantage by: anticipating what
he/she is going to say, think back over what he/she has said,
evaluate his development.
- Speech rate
is about 100 to 150 words per minute, thinking is 250 to 500.
- Listen to
what is not said--sometimes you can learn just as much by
determining what the other person leaves out in his/her discussion
as you can by listening to what he/she says.
- Listen to how
something is said--we frequently concentrate so hard on what is said
that we miss the importance of the emotional reactions and attitudes
related to what is said. Attitudes, and emotional reactions may be
more important.
- Don't
antagonize the speaker--it may cause the other person to conceal
their ideas, emotions, and attitudes. Try to judge and be aware of
the effect you are having on the other person. Adapt to him/her.
- Listen for
their personality--one of the best ways of finding out information
about a person is to listen to him/her talk; as he/she talks you can
begin to find out what he/she like and dislikes, what his/her
motivations are, what his/her value system is and what makes him/her
tick.
- Avoid jumping
to assumptions--they can get you into trouble. Don't assume that the
speaker uses words the same way you do; that he/she didn't say what
he/she meant, but you understand what he/she meant; that he/she is
avoiding looking you in the eye because he/she is telling a lie;
that he/she is distorting the truth because what he/she says doesn't
agree with what you think; that he/she is unethical because he/she
is trying to win you over to his point of view. Assumptions like
these may turn out to be true, but more often they just get in the
way of your understanding and reaching agreement or compromise.
- Avoid
classifying the speaker--too frequently we classify a person as one
type of person and then try to fit everything he/she says into what
makes sense coming from that type of person. He/she is a Republican.
Therefore, our perceptions of what he/she says or means are all
shaded by whether we like or dislike Republicans. People have the
trait of being unpredictable and not fitting into their
classifications.
- Avoid hasty
judgments--wait until all the facts are in (or at least most of
them) before making any judgments.
- Recognize
your own prejudices--try to be aware of your own feelings toward the
speaker, the subject, the occasion, and allow for these
pre-judgments.
- Identify the
type of reasoning--frequently it is difficult to sort out good and
faulty reasoning when you are listening. Nevertheless, it is so
important a job, that a listener should bend every effort to learn
to spot faulty reasoning when he/she hears it.
- Evaluate
facts and evidence--as you listen, try to identify not only the
significance of the facts and evidence, but also their relation to
argument.
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